


i refuse to call this Monkey Business

by brightblackbird



Category: Rookies - Morita Masanori & Related Fandoms
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Canon - Manga, Hiratsuka's Issues, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Monkeys, Non-Explicit, Post-Canon, Texting, mental gymnastics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:52:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8591413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightblackbird/pseuds/brightblackbird
Summary: The animal kingdom provides an instructive example even when it comes to certain human-exclusive phenomena.





	1. Afternoon

**Author's Note:**

> "Males mount each other in order to assert their authority over other males. The lower-ranking males will not protest the mounting to show their superior that they are not hostile. The mounting is another form of communication between the monkeys, like the grooming." — [Snow Monkey Resorts: Behavior to Observe](http://www.snowmonkeyresorts.com/smr/snowmonkeypark/snow-monkeys-behaviors-to-observe/)

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Hey guess what  
Those monkeys are doing it again  
Right outside

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
oh

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What do you mean OH

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
ok.

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What do you mean OK!!!  
Well guess what else  
You're not gonna get this one so I'll just tell you  
The little one's a dude too  
Isn't that crazy  
The pamphlet says they don't even care  
Is that nuts or what

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
ok

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
STOP SAYING OK  
IM EDUCATING YOU  
These guys are fucked up  
They could be making tons of monkey babies but they're just doing it over and over outside our room

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
they must like it

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No the big one loves the lady monkeys I can tell

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
how can you tell that

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
The baby ones all looked like him  
Remember there was a whole bunch of them  
He's very macho  
They were macho babies  
The pamphlet says it's about dominance  
The big monkey has to prove who's in charge  
Imagine if people did that  
Like you say something dumb and I just climb on top of you  
Haha  
We'd have to do it like 10 times every day  
15 times

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm at the store. do you want anything?

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
If you don't think that's hilarious then I don't know what to tell you  
Like if we had to make out every time you didn't respect me  
We'd never get anything done

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm in line. if you don't ask for something now you can't send me back to get it.

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm sorry you don't have a sense of humor  
Get like 5 cases of beer though I want the full experience  
Soak for 10 minutes, get out for a beer  
Get back in again so you can have a second  
Don't bother getting out for the third beer  
The hot springs experience

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
we're not going to drink five cases of beer

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Get 2 then  
I'll definitely need 2

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i can't carry two

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FINE I WILL COME HELP YOU CARRY THE BEER

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
okay. it's just down the road. go left when you leave the main building

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Look they're still going at it

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
stop sending me pictures of the monkeys mounting each other

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I bet they're still going when we get back

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
there's an old lady right next to me  
she's getting milk  
or maybe cheese

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
STOP TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR BORING SHOPPING EXPERIENCE

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i have to knock the picture off my screen!  
she looks like my grandma  
i don't want her to see monkeys having sex  
are you coming to help me or are you still watching them

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IM TYPING AND WALKING  
I just think it's funny how you're accusing me of being obsessed with this when you're the one who pointed them out first

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't say that  
i just don't want my grandma to see it

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Your grandma's probably seen more monkeys having more sex than we ever have  
She's like 200  
Simple math  
I don't see the store

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
did you go left or right  
i said left

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OH  
Yeah I went left  
I'm going more left now


	2. Midday

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi  
where are you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Nowhere  
Head hurts  
I'm sick leave me alone

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you were gone when i woke up  
i already waited

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I said my head hurts  
I'm probably still drunk  
Leave me alone

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you had two beers  
i wanna talk  
about last night

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why  
What happened  
Nothing happened

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
......

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
If you had a weird dream or something I don't wanna hear about it

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Nothing even happened  
I don't know what your problem is

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
then why are you hiding

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I had a great bath and I went right to sleep and nothing happened  
And you had a weird dream from traveling and drinking  
That's it

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
okay.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Fine  
Good  
Let's move on

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
where are you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I don't know  
Somewhere

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
......

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why do you CARE where I am

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
the monkeys are back

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
AGAIN????  
Don't they have jobs or something  
How much communication do they need

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
they like each other

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No they're boy monkeys  
They're establishing their social ranks  
Read the pamphlet

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i think they just love each other

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
They're BOYS  
Maybe the big one is confused  
The little one needs to stop being confusing

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe the big monkey is more lonely than he wants to admit  
maybe he likes being with another monkey that understands him

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Maybe the little monkey needs to learn when to shut up  
And the big monkey is just trying to show him what reality is like  
Like a big furry monkey sitting on your ass until you realize it's the boss  
That's reality

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i think the big monkey can be pretty sweet and gentle when he wants to be  
when he feels like he's safe  
and i think the little monkey would be really happy if the big monkey could be more honest with himself  
and learn how to say certain things when he's sober instead of hiding everything because he's scared

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Monkeys can't talk  
What do you mean SOBER  
Did those little bastards get into my beer

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
.....i'm talking about us  
you're the big monkey

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
...........

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I THOUGHT WE WERE BRAINSTORMING WHY THE MONKEYS WONT STOP BANGING

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i was giving you a way to talk about your feelings  
i thought you picked up on it  
can you reread that so we don't have to start over

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FUCK YOU  
I WAS DRUNK IT DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING  
OH I SEE YOURE THE LITTLE MONKEY AND ITS ALL MY FAULT BECAUSE IM THE DOMINANT ONE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't say that

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WELL IM SORRY OK  
THERE  
CAN WE MOVE ON NOW

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm not mad at you  
i was really happy when you said all that stuff

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Stop

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i meant all the stuff i said

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Dude come on stop

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i want to be with you  
i don't know how to say that so it makes you happy

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You keep talking like that would even be OK

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
it is okay

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU DONT KNOW WHATS OK  
You don't even know what planet you're on half the time  
You need ME to figure that out  
I don't need YOU

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't care what planet i'm on as long as it's the one you're on

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Look you don't get how anything works so let me make it simple  
If a boy monkey gets confused because he's somewhere new and drunk  
And it feels like it's just him and the little monkey  
And he forgets all the other monkeys exist  
And the little monkey doesn't know when to make him stop  
That doesn't make the other monkeys stop existing  
Boy monkeys get girl monkeys pregnant

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't want you to stop

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
And that's how you get baby monkeys  
Remember there was like 20 of them  
Just chilling out in the hot spring  
Maybe some were just small but there were definitely a lot of babies

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
we're not monkeys, stop talking about monkeys

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OH SO YOUR metaphors are fine but mine aren't

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
if the boy monkeys like being together i don't see why they can't be  
maybe the other boy monkeys can make the babies  
i didn't know you wanted kids

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
We are talking about the monkeys right now

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't know you wanted baby monkeys

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I don't want baby monkeys  
Didn't you see their creepy little red faces  
Imagine raising one of those

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i mean i didn't know the big monkey wanted babies  
why does he need babies if he doesn't want them

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
BECAUSE HES A BOY MONKEY  
THATS WHAT MANLY MONKEYS DO  
THEY MAKE MORE MANLY MONKEYS  
IMAGINE IF ALL THE BOY MONKEYS STOPPED EXISTING BECAUSE THEIR HANDSOME FATHERS WERE TOO BUSY DISPLAYING THEIR DOMINANCE TO STUPID CLUELESS LITTLE MONKEYS  
You'd just have a bunch of girl monkeys then  
And what would they do without the boy monkeys???

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe some of the girl monkeys like each other

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Now you're just making shit up

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no, the pamphlet says some of the girl monkeys like each other

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
The pamphlet says that is GROOMING BEHAVIOR

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
the pamphlet doesn't know everything  
the monkeys didn't write it

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
That can't be true  
I don't see how that would even work

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't really know what we're talking about anymore  
can't the two monkeys just be together and let the other boy monkeys make more little monkeys  
not every monkey needs to make babies

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
The big monkey is very important and he needs to further his genes for the good of the species  
He needs to be a normal monkey

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
the little monkey is the one he's most important to

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Well they're not out there doing it in front of the other monkeys ARE THEY  
They've gotta hide  
It's weird and messed up

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
the other monkeys don't care  
it's just humans that care  
these monkeys like being alone  
and i like being alone with you  
i really like you  
a lot

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Just fucking say it already

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want to say it if it doesn't make you happy

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SAY IT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you only want me to say it so you can say something horrible back  
you need me to say everything and then you get mad because it's the truth

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU need ME to DO everything  
You're too chickenshit to start anything for yourself  
If I told you to leave you'd do that instead  
You won't start anything unless you can blame it on me

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you know how i feel

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IF I DID I WOULDVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL  
YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WOULDNT EVEN TRY TO STOP ME

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you wouldn't treat me like this if you didn't know i'd stay no matter what

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Quit fucking crying  
Like I'm the bad guy here  
You're the one who decided normal wasn't good enough  
And now it's my fault no matter what I pick

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you said everything i ever wanted to hear and now you want to take it back  
i thought you were happy too

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why do you want everything to be MY FAULT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want it to be your fault  
i don't know why you're upset  
i was really happy  
i like you a lot  
i don't know what else you want

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I want a girlfriend  
I want to be normal  
I don't want YOU

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you didn't come here with a girl  
you brought me

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU NEVER GO ANYWHERE I WAS DOING YOU A FAVOR

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
and you're not putting your phone away

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It's DARK what else do you expect me to do with myself  
Go away

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi i can hear your phone  
why did you take your phone into the closet if you didn't want me to talk to you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Shut up  
I want to be alone

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
we always do what YOU want

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka** :  
WELL FINE THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT  
WHATS YOUR SUGGESTION

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i want you to be happy  
and i really want to kiss you again

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What do you want that isn't that  
You know what if you KNEW you could have said something earlier  
It's hot and dark in here so I'm opening the door a little bit  
That does NOT mean you can come in  
I wouldn't be in here if I wanted to look at you  
Or hear you  
In any way

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe i will come in there

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
DONT!!!!! COME IN HERE!!!!!!!!!  
IM SERIOUS

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
why not  
Hiracchi  
why not

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Just go away  
Let me be normal

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
...............................  
Hiracchi  
you cannot do this every time you want me to kiss you  
if you want me to come in there you have to ask

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I DONT WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING  
GO AWAY OR DONT  
MAKE YOUR OWN MIND UP FOR ONCE  
You want me to do everything so nothing is ever your fault

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you want me to read your mind so you never have to admit anything

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Shut up

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you made me cry

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I said to quit it

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
don't do that again

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FINE GO AWAY THEN  
LET ME STAY NORMAL  
STOP RUINING MY LIFE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm not going in there  
come out here if you want me to kiss you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO  
Never

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
if you want to be normal, why are you texting me from inside a closet

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Shut up  
I like it in here  
I enjoy the ambience  
It's soothing  
Especially since you're not in here

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
the monkeys are still there

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IM TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THE MONKEYS  
YOU ARE OBSESSED

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
the pamphlet says they learn new things from humans  
i don't think they know how to kiss yet

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU CANNOT DO THAT  
That's illegal  
I'll report you to the officials  
And then I'll have the room to myself for the whole weekend

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i mean they could learn from watching us

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Isn't that still illegal  
What if they report us  
What if they've learned to call the police

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
they don't have phones

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OH  
What if they have their own police???  
There's so many of them  
Do you think they have little monkey cities we don't know about

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi  
stop making up problems  
get out here  
how long have you been in there

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I DONT KNOW  
HOW LATE DID YOUR LAZY ASS SLEEP IN

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you need light and fresh air

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NOW IM ALL SWEATY

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
good

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHQT  
STOP SAYING THIS SHIT  
LOOK I get that you're obsessed with me or whatever and I don't blame you  
But can't you be obsessed with me as a FRIEND  
And we can be normal guys

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Look I'll meet you halfway  
You could still blow me sometimes  
Like in a normal friendly straight way

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Just on the weekends or something

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Every other weekend

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
How about once a month

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHY NOT  
YOU WERE FINE WITH NORMAL BEFORE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i thought you were straight before

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I AM STRAIGHT  
NAME ONE GUY WHO IS STRAIGHTER THAN ME  
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GIRLFRIENDS IVE ALMOST HAD

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you kissed ME

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I was DRUNK

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you said all that stuff

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SO DID YOU

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
and i meant it

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
If you're dumb enough to think I meant any of it that's your problem

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't get why it IS a problem

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THERES STUFF  
THAT YOU JUST CANT DO

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
why can't we

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
BECAUSE ITS GROSS  
BECAUSE IM GOING TO GET BETTER  
AND NOT BE ALL FUCKED UP ANYMORE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you can't make it go away

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Yes  
I can  
Watch me  
I'm going to beat this  
Wouldn't you be normal if you had the choice  
And you weren't a dumbass

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no  
i like how i feel about you  
just ask me to kiss you instead of waiting for me to figure it out

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
why not??

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
BECAUSE I DONT WANT YOU TO  
BECAUSE ITD RUIN EVERYTHING  
BECAUSE ID LET YOU  
OK???????????  
SO GO AWAY  
IM JUST SICK FROM TRAVELING  
THE MONKEYS INFECTED ME WITH SOMETHING  
Don't they go in the hot springs  
That's not sanitary  
Someone should talk to the staff  
Go talk to the staff about the monkeys  
They're making the guests think about weird things  
It's bad for business

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
get out here

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You're just staying because you think I want you to  
And you are wrong by the way

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
no. i want to stay here.  
that's why i'm staying.  
because i love you  
come out so we can talk and kiss  
it won't ruin anything  
i promise.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
For the record I need to take a bath  
And that is the only reason I might think about coming out  
Since we're paying to be here and all  
I'm all sweaty because of your laziness  
Do not try to interact with me

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
we can do the bath first  
then we talk

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Whatever happens after this is your fault  
If we end up in monkey jail I'm blaming everything on you


	3. Evening

**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Where ARE YOU

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
dinner

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I wanna screw again   
WHAT DO YOU MEAN DINNER THAT DOESNT TELL ME ANYTHING

 **Imaoka shinobu:**   
i'm in the lobby, they have a vending machine  
i'm almost finished

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**   
WERE PAYING TO BE HERE WHY ARE YOU EATING OUT OF A VENDING MACHINE  
ALSO where did you practice that

 **Imaoka shinobu:**   
all i wanted was a soup  
practice what

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You know WHAT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i didn't practice it

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THEN WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT IT

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
thank you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SHUT UP  
I SHOULD BE GOOD AT IT THEN IF YOU DONT NEED TO PRACTICE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
you were nervous

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SHUT UP!!!!!!!  
WHO did you practice on

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
nobody  
what makes you think i did

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NOTHING  
SHUT UP  
LOOK ITS JUST THE LITTLE MONKEY WAS OUTSIDE AGAIN  
BUT HE WAS WITH A GIRL ONE THIS TIME  
IM JUST SAYING  
YOUR WHOLE METAPHORS FALLING APART NOW!!!!!

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
that doesn't mean anything

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Well I thought they liked each other

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
they're just monkeys, they don't really care

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YOU SAID THEY LIKED EACH OTHER

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i meant us, not them

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I am tired of these mind games  
And they didn't learn how to kiss either

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe they're just stupid

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm starting to think you don't even care about the monkeys

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't care about monkeys  
i care about you

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I just want to know where the big monkey went

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe he was just your guilty conscience the whole time

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT  
LIKE A SPIRIT MONKEY  
Does that mean my conscience is bigger than yours  
BUT YOU SAW HIM TOO

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i doubt that  
maybe the big monkey died overnight

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You have a sick sense of humor you know that

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i just want you to stop thinking about the monkeys  
think about me instead

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
MAYBE I WILL!!!!!!  
BUT LOOK WHAT IF the big monkey is alone now

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't care what happened to either of the monkeys.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IM TALKING ABOUT US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
OK!!!!!!!!!!!  
WHAT IF the little monkey just went and left him!!!  
AFTER HE HAD TO SAY ALL THAT STUFF  
And now he's all messed up and he can't even make babies anymore

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe the big monkey would be just as happy if he went and found another boy monkey  
a medium-sized monkey

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NO he would not

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
good

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
What is wrong with you  
SHUT UP  
STOP TRICKING ME

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want you to reproduce anyway

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT  
You don't think the world needs more of me???????????

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i want there to be one copy  
that's mine and no one else's  
that i don't share or give up  
ever  
does that sound okay

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
,  
Um  
I guess  
Maybe  
Hurry up with the stupid dinner and get back here  
Ok????????

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
okay❤︎  
what do you want me to bring back

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Hey the pamphlet says they only hang out for 1.6 days and then break up  
Couldn't we do that  
We just mate for 1.6 days and then we go home and everything's normal again

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
please stop relapsing.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I just think it sounds way easier than your idea

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
that means we don't mate again for 4-5 years.

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Ok well I checked and it's been 1.8 days  
Technically  
This does not mean you win or anything  
The pamphlet just should have been clearer because now we can't do that  
We broke the monkey law

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
do you want a soup from the vending machine

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You know what else I don't think they can even see into our room  
So there go your big education plans

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
do you want me to bring you any kind of dinner

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I WANT YOU TO GET YOUR ASS BACJ HERE NOW OR IM STARTING WITHOUT YOU

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
okay  
you can start anyway, that sounds fun  
❤︎

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Don't do that

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
❤︎❤︎❤︎  
❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHY are you doing that

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i'm just happy

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WELL THEN DONT BE HAPPY WHILE YOURE ON THE PHONE  
WAIT TILL YOU GET BACK HERE

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
i am back here

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SO OPEN THE DOOR DUMBASS

 **Imaoka shinobu:**  
oh

 **REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IF you were a monkey you would be EXTINCT


End file.
